There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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