he told me I talked like a deaf person
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
