So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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