I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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