if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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