so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
