as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
