So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
