And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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