im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize