If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
