Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
