know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We are all done wearing pants today
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
