Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
