The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
