Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
