I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
