I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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