i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ladies don't puke and tell
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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