I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
