Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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