The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am naked and annoyed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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