I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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