He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
