I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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