Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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