Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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