You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize