when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Boobs are out for the taking
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
