I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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