Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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