JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
