i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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