Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
