you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
