i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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