yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
