It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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