Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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