I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
