Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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