i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
