the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ketchup is God's man juice
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
