I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
