Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
