If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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