it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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