Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.