; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
