She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We were destined to go to rehab together
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
