And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
