shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
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She has the best kind of daddy issues
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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