i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
