I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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