Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
