we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My dick has a subreddit
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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