I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
