i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
