fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you would pick up someone in the library
she looked like the before picture.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
