So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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