My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
