i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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