I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
