ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
