so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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