Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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