i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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