Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i already hear my dad disowning me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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