Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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