I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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