yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
